Sleeping Beauty or Zombie Food?

This was actually written about a month ago, well the first part was, but I've been too busy to post it.

There's nights that my precious little baby absolutely drives me nuts and on those nights, in between dealing with her and her constant need to use me as a binky, I have bad dreams. This happened to me about two nights ago. I spent the whole night in and out of nightmares about zombies. This could also be in response to having withdrawals of The Walking Dead which really needs to start again. But anyways back to the point. It's safe to say I had a very unpleasant night. So when I woke up the next morning to Riley screaming at me, the first thought I had was "Next time I'm letting the zombie eat you!" Now in the event of a zombie apocalypse I'd never really let them eat any of my children but I'm sure you can understand the sentiment!

Other nights, like last night, I find myself up in the wee morning hours to nurse Riley and I find myself just stroking her cheek in amazement at this sweet little miracle nestled in my arms. And I get great satisfaction in knowing that I'm the only one who can have this intimate connection with her and provide her with the perfect nourishment. I had such a difficult time for various reasons when it came to nursing my other children that I'm very reluctant to give it up. Originally I said I'd stop at six months. She turned six months last week. Then I said that I'd stop either when that first tooth came in, she turned a year old, or she could "help herself". Well, if I'm wearing a spaghetti strap shirt she does try to get things going on her own! Maybe she's watched too much Walking Dead herself since she's always trying to eat me... I guess that's another post.

Then we switch back to Riley being zombie food. Her allergies give her so much trouble. No matter what I do my poor baby can hardly breath. On nights like that, which happens to be tonight, after listening to her scream all day long because she can't get comfortable enough to sleep, and not letting me out of her sight long enough to even pee, by the time I attempt to put her to bed I'm about all out of patience. I know it's not her fault that she's acting like a life sucking demon but a person can only take so much without losing their sanity! Crap, I think the other kids already took that! Some days I think they have special meetings, including the baby, where they discuss new ways of making mommy lose it! See, I can't even stay on subject!

Well before my sweet little zombie bait wakes back up, I better go take a shower. I have a feeling it's going to me a long night! Sweet dreams...

Help! Help! Help!

I need to make a decision. I have 2 blogs, this one and the original one I started Life After Kids. I had to stop writing there for a long time because of ex-hubby but now that we're officially divorced, I don't feel as restricted anymore. The problem is that I spent so much time and effort over the course of a year building that blog and now I have this one. I like both of them but really don't think I have enough to say to post on both of them. I don't know what to do or what the best way might be to combine them. Please, if anybody has any suggestions here, I'm more than willing to listen!!! HELP!!!!! :)

Dropping the D word (Re-post)

How ironic is it that today I posted about finally being divorced and then I wandered over to my old blog and find this post written close to a year ago. I had to re-post it.

Well today I told hubby that I want a divorce. It went about as well as I expected it would which was with him saying he's going back to Ohio to file then. This time I'm a step ahead of him though. I already did file in Ohio. To which the courts answer is that neither of us are residents there anymore. So now I have to wait until I'm officially a resident here in Arizona. I think the whole thing is a bit ridiculous really. We moved here, put our daughter in school, changed our mailing address, everything, but aren't considered residents yet. But we still aren't residents in Ohio anymore either.

Anyways, hubby tried blowing a lot of smoke up my ass about going back to file. He must have done some checking though and got the same answers I did cause I actually didn't hear from him for a whole 2 or 3 hours. I think that might be a record for him! Seriously, no joke! So now he wants to go to counseling and all these things to work on our marriage. Where was this willingness to fix things when I suggested it all the times before? Does it only matter if it's his idea? Well he wasn't ready to change before so why the hell should I believe he's ready this time. It's always the same thing. The promises of "I'm going to do better." "This time will be different." "I get it this time." The lines go on and on. Usually, I fall for it hook line and sinker. I take him back and things are great for a little while. He works, he's kind and sensitive and actually helps with the kids instead of just coming in and falling asleep in the recliner, We talk and laugh and snuggle. But little by little everything always goes back to the way it was before. It never last. The only time he really becomes the man I want him and need him to be is when we separate and when we first get back together. Why? I just don't understand it. How can a man say how much he loves his family yet not do the things that a husband and father should be doing.

Well that just doesn't work for me anymore. I'm tired of the constant broken promises to me and the kids. And I'm tired of feeling alone even when he's there. Never again will I put up with that from him or anybody else. I love him for giving me my babies but I'm done being treated like I'm beneath him. I want a man who treats me as well as I treat him. Somebody who will be my husband, my partner, my best friend and my lover.

Free at Last!

After 10 years of off and on being together, and 5 long rocky years of marriage, I'm finally free! My divorce was final last Friday! I waited for this day for so long but it's still such a shock that I almost can't believe it's over. Josh went with me for the court hearing and the half hour leading up to going into the court room was actually very emotional. Luckily he's such an understanding man. I was very close to tears. Not because I was sad for our marriage to be over but just because it's the end of a major part of my life. I also really feel kind of bad for my ex-hubby. After his Grandparents passed away, the kids and I were pretty much all he had. But at the same time it's his own fault that he refused to do the things that needed to be done as a husband and a father. Even now his interaction with the kids is very minimal so really I don't know why I felt bad for him. But back to the point at hand, I'm finally free to get on with my life. I was awarded sole custody of our kids and he has supervised visitation at my discretion. I have no problem with him seeing them with me present but since he currently lives in another state, this makes me feel much better knowing that I don't have to send my young children 2100 miles away. Jordyn is beyond excited. She did a happy dance and said that I had to marry Josh the very next day! Wow kids adapt quickly! In the end though, I'll never regret our marriage. I got 3 wonderful children out of it and years of experience. Not to sound cliche but it really is true that whatever doesn't kill you only makes you stronger.

Wicked Stepmother?

Have you ever stopped to think about the way fairy tales portray stepmothers? They're always wicked and want to kill their stepchildren. Cinderella's stepmother used her as a slave. Snow White's stepmother wanted her heart cut out. And Hansel and Gretel's wanted them lost in the woods. I happen to be a stepmother, well almost but that's another post, to three children and even on bad days I've never wanted to kill them or lose them in the woods. Or the desert in our case since we do live in Arizona. Yes there's days they get on my nerves but no more than my biological children do.

Lately disciplining them, especially the 14 and 13 year olds has been difficult. I feel like I'm in a very precarious spot. I'm not their birth mother and I'm not even married to their father yet. The 14 year old, Alexis lives with us and the 13 year old, Anthony is here on weekends. I don't want them to resent me but especially since I'm a stay at home mom, the bulk of the disciplining in our house falls to me.

They're both pretty good kids. Alexis has taken to me right from the get go. We're really close. There's not much if anything that she doesn't tell me. Half the time I know who she's dating even before her friends do. She's such a good kid that my biggest complaint with her is slacking on doing the dishes. She does them, but most of the time they're still dirty. She gets good grades, doesn't give me a lot of attitude, helps with her younger siblings, keeps me informed about where she's at and who she's with. So when I get mad at her over the slacking on her chore, I feel a bit like a wicked witch for having to get on to her about it. We were talking about this a few nights ago and she blew my mind. Her response to it all was that at least I was doing what a mom should do. Wow! She doesn't mind when I have to get onto her because I'm doing my job as a mother and she's being treated just like my other kids.

Then Anthony, who happens to be a very big mama's boy, did something over the weekend I don't remember now exactly what, that I had to correct him for. I figured he'd be kind of pissed at me. But a few minutes later he said that when his mom isn't around he'd kind of like to call me mom. Double wow! I was almost speechless. Alexis has been calling me mom for close to a year now but I never expected that from him. It really made me feel like I must be doing something right as a mother.

Words of Wisdom

This was my very first blog interview. My Guinea pigs? My  then 7 year old daughter and 9 year old niece. Here's their words of wisdom.

Jordyn is up first.
What is your happiest memory? 
When we went to the beach for the first time at Deer Creek.

Why do you like being a kid?
That's a hard question. Because I get spoiled by my Daddy and gets lots of toys.

One word to describe you would be _______. 
Silly

What advice would you give your parents?
I'd give them advice on how to cast a fishing pole.

If you could be any animal, which one would you be and why?
The cat we had a long time ago because it was so soft and pretty and precious and very cuddly.

What do you like to do for fun?
Annoy my parents.

What is your favorite thing to do? Why?
When I write stories because they are fun. Sometimes I want to write a chapter book.

What is your favorite thing to do with your friends?
Play tag with them.

What do you love most about your siblings?
My baby sister is cute and cuddly and has a cute laugh.
With my brother playing hide and seek cops and robbers.

What was the nicest thing you did for someone?
When my friend at school got hurt I made them feel better. I kissed their boo boo and took them to the nurse.

What do you think you will be doing 10 years from now?
Getting a boyfriend

What is your favorite thing to do in the summer?
Swimming

What would be the ideal allowance? Tell me how you would use it.
$17.10 to buy a Justin Beiber barbie

What do you think makes a person good-looking?
When you dress nice.

Name two things we should do as a family on the weekend.
Fishing at Deer Creek and Go to a fancy restaurant

What is the grossest thing you can think of?

 Daddy pooping.

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Now Alexis

What is your happiest memory?
Me and my Dad going to the movies.

Why do you like being a kid?
We don't have to pay bills.

One word to describe you would be _______.
 Fun

What advice would you give your parents?
Don't ground the kids unless they did something bad that they've been told not to like a million times before.

If you could be any animal, which one would you be and why?
Tiger. They are very fierce and beautiful.

What do you like to do for fun?
Swing on the tire swing.

What is your favorite thing to do? Why?
Play my DSI because there's a lot of things you can do on it.

What is your favorite thing to do with your friends?
Truth or Dare

What do you love most about your sibling?
He likes girl stuff just like me.

What was the nicest thing you did for someone?
Behave like an angel.

What do you think you will be doing 10 years from now?
 Hoping my true love will propose.

What is your favorite thing to do in the summer?
Swimming

What would be the ideal allowance? Tell me how you would use it.
$20 so I could save up and buy a new game system or donate it to charity.

What do you think makes a person good-looking?
How they are. Not the outside, the inside.

Name two things we should do as a family on the weekend.
Go to a movie or go swimming.

What is the grossest thing you can think of?
Inside a body. That's nasty.

Wow, the difference that 2 years makes to a kids way of thinking! Hope you enjoyed my very first blog interview.

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5 Things I've learned from my toddler

Good and bad, here are some things that I have learned from my toddler.

1. The best part of going to the beach is eating the sand.
2. Diapers CANNOT be pooped in unless they are fresh!
3. There is no 5 second rule, if it's on the ground, it's fair game.
4. Crying uncontrolably for 20 minutes or more will drive mommy berserk enough that she either gives in or walks outside until the tantrum is over.
5. Even on the worse days, a smile, a kiss, and a big hug can make it all worth while!