How ironic is it that today I posted about finally being divorced and then I wandered over to my old blog and find this post written close to a year ago. I had to re-post it.
Well today I told hubby that I want a divorce. It went about as well as I expected it would which was with him saying he's going back to Ohio to file then. This time I'm a step ahead of him though. I already did file in Ohio. To which the courts answer is that neither of us are residents there anymore. So now I have to wait until I'm officially a resident here in Arizona. I think the whole thing is a bit ridiculous really. We moved here, put our daughter in school, changed our mailing address, everything, but aren't considered residents yet. But we still aren't residents in Ohio anymore either.
Anyways, hubby tried blowing a lot of smoke up my ass about going back to file. He must have done some checking though and got the same answers I did cause I actually didn't hear from him for a whole 2 or 3 hours. I think that might be a record for him! Seriously, no joke! So now he wants to go to counseling and all these things to work on our marriage. Where was this willingness to fix things when I suggested it all the times before? Does it only matter if it's his idea? Well he wasn't ready to change before so why the hell should I believe he's ready this time. It's always the same thing. The promises of "I'm going to do better." "This time will be different." "I get it this time." The lines go on and on. Usually, I fall for it hook line and sinker. I take him back and things are great for a little while. He works, he's kind and sensitive and actually helps with the kids instead of just coming in and falling asleep in the recliner, We talk and laugh and snuggle. But little by little everything always goes back to the way it was before. It never last. The only time he really becomes the man I want him and need him to be is when we separate and when we first get back together. Why? I just don't understand it. How can a man say how much he loves his family yet not do the things that a husband and father should be doing.
Well that just doesn't work for me anymore. I'm tired of the constant broken promises to me and the kids. And I'm tired of feeling alone even when he's there. Never again will I put up with that from him or anybody else. I love him for giving me my babies but I'm done being treated like I'm beneath him. I want a man who treats me as well as I treat him. Somebody who will be my husband, my partner, my best friend and my lover.
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